get off my lawn

i dont know anything

3.5mos cannot come soon enough

3.5 (or 3?) months left.

it occurred to me i’ve been sleeping so much (napping frequently), and really hate getting out of bed, because  i am eating so little. oh well - no fix. maybe that is what is going on with them too.

““i love the classic hoe look” (ie seductive, attention-getting, but not trashy) - ah, theyre burning, blossoming, this is them burning, blossoming. my heart pangs at the idea despite being loved, still they would want it, want more, from -everyone- (venus sq pluto? … yes. -yes-).

‘i look weak because i want to look weak’ - cancer asc – theyre skinny, “weak constitution” (frame/body), their  exerted/outer layer personality matches.

my heart has given up and so i too am dead.

now that you are not lonely, my dear, you will forget it all. you will speak nothing of it, anymore (for now). maybe, maybe, maybe, when lonely again - but probably not.

fuck fire.

dont understand why i feel so bad today. no reason for it. i thought i was over this? cant sleep, been napping all day and im now wide awake. cant eat, DIEting so must eat as little as possible. everything is dull and boring, too, so my attention span is super short. ah well.

tagged https://genius.com/Rowland-s-howard-undone-lyrics

my heart, it is dead. i need no more confirmation than this - the words are plain, you can see them for yourself.

confirming bigger suspicions - that i am not good enough, that i am not what they want [and therefore shit], and so on - is the real killer

just as well.
i knew it all along anyway.

fuck.

not  what they want. i called it. others are better. 
theyre just lonely. that hurts.

i recently watched some wee-woo-y-ish youtube video that asserted basically people with “striking” appearances are trying to draw (attract) people to them (and vice versa). makes sense to me.

i.e. those with striking appearances are vampires, sirens, etc… to put it unflatteringly, unfortunately.